I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
