Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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