Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
