eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
