meet me or not, i'm out of control
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
