Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
