What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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