your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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