My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I intend to get homeless drunk
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
