hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
