tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
