Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
