This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
