Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
