Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
