in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
