I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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