Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
