i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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