Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
