Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
