is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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