Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
two words: eviction party
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
