you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Even my vagina gasped.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
