Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
