We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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