I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
