put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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