I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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