Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
