So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
