he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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