Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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