The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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