the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
