Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
