at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Text me some of your sweat
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