i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
