Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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