I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
