sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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