i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
