Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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