how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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