i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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