you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
