i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize