I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
