Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
