well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
