I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
