So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
