Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
