I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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