i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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