she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
