The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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