so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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