your parents love me but you hate me
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need to calm my uterus...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
