why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
