i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am one with the molecules
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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