Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
