Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
