I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
