please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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