I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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