I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
