the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
