things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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