Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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