I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
