so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
