Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
