I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
