I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
