Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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